Elise needs to revise her essay’s conclusion to use a more formal tone. Hera is a Greek goddess you should get to know. I like her because she’s strong, smart, and beautiful. Which revision of Elise’s conclusion best uses a formal tone?
The Correct Answer and Explanation is :
The correct revision of Elise’s conclusion using a more formal tone would be:
“Hera is a Greek goddess worthy of recognition. Her strength, intelligence, and beauty make her a figure of admiration.”
Explanation:
A formal tone in writing is characterized by professionalism, objectivity, and a lack of personal biases or emotional language. To revise the conclusion in a more formal manner, it’s important to avoid casual phrases such as “I like her” and instead present the information in a way that is respectful, analytical, and straightforward.
In the original sentence, “I like her because she’s strong, smart, and beautiful,” the use of “I like” introduces a personal, subjective element that does not align with the expected tone of a formal essay. Instead of expressing personal feelings, a formal tone would focus on Hera’s qualities from a more objective standpoint, as in “Her strength, intelligence, and beauty make her a figure of admiration.”
Additionally, the phrase “you should get to know” in the original sentence is too conversational and suggests an informal, direct address to the reader. In formal writing, direct addresses to the audience are generally avoided, as they can come across as overly familiar. Replacing this with “worthy of recognition” maintains the focus on Hera’s qualities while preserving the formal tone.
A formal tone also avoids overly simple or colloquial language. For example, “smart” is a less formal synonym for “intelligent.” Replacing “smart” with “intelligence” elevates the diction and makes the sentence sound more polished and academic.
Finally, the revision removes unnecessary exclamation points or overly casual phrases. Instead, the revised conclusion presents Hera’s characteristics in a concise and professional manner, adhering to the formal tone expected in academic writing.