Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?
A.People live with a general expectation of privacy, not considering how thoroughly their daily actions are monitored and recorded by various devices.
B.Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses.
C.People don’t often consider how thoroughly their activities are monitored and recorded.
D.People live with a general expectation of privacy, but in reality their daily actions are being monitored and recorded by various devices.
The Correct Answer and Explanation is :
The sentence that should be revised to reduce wordiness is A: “People live with a general expectation of privacy, not considering how thoroughly their daily actions are monitored and recorded by various devices.”
Explanation
Wordiness refers to the use of more words than necessary to convey an idea. In sentence A, several phrases contribute to its wordiness, making it less clear and concise. Let’s break it down:
- General Expectation of Privacy: The phrase “general expectation of privacy” is lengthy. The word “general” adds little to the meaning, and the concept of “expectation of privacy” is already well understood.
- Not Considering: The phrase “not considering” could be simplified. It introduces additional complexity without significantly contributing to the sentence’s meaning.
- Thoroughly Monitored and Recorded: While this part of the sentence is informative, the word “thoroughly” could be perceived as excessive in this context. Simply stating that actions are monitored and recorded would suffice.
By revising this sentence for conciseness, you can enhance clarity. For instance, a more streamlined version might read: “People often overlook how their actions are monitored and recorded by various devices.” This revision eliminates unnecessary qualifiers and keeps the focus on the core message.
Conciseness is essential in effective writing. It helps maintain the reader’s interest and enhances comprehension. In contrast, wordy sentences can dilute the impact of the message, making it harder for readers to grasp the main point quickly.
Therefore, choosing to revise sentence A not only reduces wordiness but also sharpens the focus, making it more direct and easier for readers to understand. In professional and academic writing, prioritizing clarity and conciseness is crucial to effectively communicating ideas.