Which statement should be revised for a more formal tone?
A Poseidon, god of the sea, and Athena, goddess of war, fought for the city of Athens. B Poseidon threw his spear, which produced the Spring of Acropolis.
C Amaltheia was kind of like a goat who fed Zeus, which Zeus was really happy about. In fact, he turned the goat’s horn into the horn of plenty.
D Chronos was the ancient Greek symbol of time. His appearance, a wise old man with a long beard, is similar to a current symbol, Father Time.
Sisyphus displeased the gods by disclosing secrets. He found himself forced to roll a heavy stone uphill, only to see it roll back once it reached the peak.
The Correct Answer and Explanation is :
The statement that should be revised for a more formal tone is:
C. Amaltheia was kind of like a goat who fed Zeus, which Zeus was really happy about. In fact, he turned the goat’s horn into the horn of plenty.
Explanation:
This statement contains several informal elements that diminish its formal tone. The phrase “kind of like a goat” is a colloquial expression that lacks precision and clarity. It implies a casual comparison that is inappropriate for formal writing. Instead, a more formal alternative could specify that Amaltheia is a mythical goat associated with nurturing Zeus, providing a clearer and more academic context.
Additionally, the phrase “which Zeus was really happy about” uses informal language, specifically the adverb “really,” which does not convey the seriousness typically found in formal discourse. A more formal rephrasing would articulate Zeus’s happiness in a more sophisticated manner, perhaps by using words like “pleased” or “delighted.”
Moreover, the phrase “In fact” serves as a transitional phrase more suitable for conversational language than formal writing. Instead, the connection between the feeding of Zeus and the transformation of the goat’s horn into the cornucopia can be stated more directly, indicating that this transformation symbolizes abundance, which aligns with formal writing expectations.
Lastly, formal writing typically avoids contractions and colloquial expressions, focusing instead on clarity, conciseness, and specificity. By addressing these aspects, the statement can be revised to better reflect a formal tone, such as:
“Amaltheia, a nurturing goat, fed Zeus during his infancy, and in gratitude, Zeus transformed her horn into the cornucopia, symbolizing abundance.”
This revision maintains the essential information while adopting a more formal and academic style.