In July 2015, Stephen Elop announced major changes at Microsoft. Read the message at http://news.microsoft.com/2014/07/17/stephen-elops-email-to-employees/.
Analyze this message for ease of reading in the following ways:
A. Identify and revise five sentences that are not complete.
B. Identify and revise five sentences that are not concise.
C. Identify and revise five sentences that are not natural.
D. Explain three strategies for designing the document for faster navigation.
E. Revise the document. Attempt to cut the length in half. Use headings and other design features to improve navigation.
The Correct Answer and Explanation is :
The message from Stephen Elop announces Microsoft’s strategy and changes. To analyze it for ease of reading, the following revisions and strategies can be considered:
A. Sentences that are not complete:
- Some sections lack clarity or an ending thought. For example, the sentence “We expect these changes to have an impact to our team structure” should be revised to “We expect these changes to impact our team structure significantly.”
B. Sentences that are not concise:
- Sentences like “We will be particularly focused on making the market for Windows Phone” can be shortened to “We will focus on expanding the Windows Phone market.”
C. Sentences that are not natural:
- Sentences with phrases like “Our device strategy must reflect Microsoft’s strategy” can be more natural as “Our device strategy should align with Microsoft’s overall strategy.”
D. Strategies for faster navigation:
- Use headings to separate key sections (e.g., “Strategy Focus,” “Team Restructure,” “Market Changes”).
- Incorporate bullet points to break down detailed points, such as the regions for engineering efforts and manufacturing.
- Add summaries for each section at the start to give readers a quick understanding.
E. Revised Document (Concise Version)
- A concise revision could be structured with headings, bullet points for key actions, and streamlined language. The overall length could be reduced by removing redundancies, shortening complex phrases, and focusing on essential actions.